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Thursday, June 25, 2009
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” Rodney Dangerfield “Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” Helen Rowland “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” Jackie Mason “Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” Leonardo Di Vinci “The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.” Colin Chapman “When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a living.” Helen Rowland “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late.” Max Kaufman “The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.” HL Mencken “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” Rodney Dangerfield “Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.” Billie Holiday “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” Groucho Marx “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” Sacha Guitry “The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” Ann Landers “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” Jimmy Durante “My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.” Fibber McGee “The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.” Woody Allen The sincerest love is the love of food. Bernard Shaw A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.— Zsa Zsa Gabor The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -Henry Youngman Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. - Albert Einstein I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. -Unknown A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. - Helen Rowland In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out. - Joey Adams Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. - Joey Adams Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. - Alan King My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.” -Unknown If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him… is he still wrong? -Unknown I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice. -Unknown “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” - Henny Youngman. “There’s only two things about me that my wife doesn’t care for: everything I say, and everything I do.” -Unknown “Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don’t ?Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.” -Unknown “Why do men usually die before their wives? A: Because they want to.” -Unknown A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying”. -Unknown Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her ?” Dad: “That happens in every country, son.” -Unknown “Make love, not war. I’m married, I do both.” -Unknown “Life is a bitch, then you marry one.” -Unknown “A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. –Scottish Proverb I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. –Sam Kinison Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too. –H. L. Mencken “A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.” - U2 - Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering - Anonymous When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. - Anonymous Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. - Anonymous I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. –Anonymous I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?” –Anonymous We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. - Anonymous She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.” –Anonymous Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get married. He says “the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs…..” –Anonymous If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course..! .at least he’ll shut up after you let him in! –Anonymous |
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[#o1] Do not rip anything off[#o2] Whats here remains here [#o3] Tag before you leave [#o4] The owner shall not be liable for its content [#o5] No vulgarities [#o6] Leave if you're unhappy its me
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